Sunday, May 18, 2014

What I'm learning...

As my surgery date was approaching, my boss, the Pastor of our church asked me in his very pastoral way, "What do you think God is teaching you through all of this?"  I had been praying that God wouldn't waste this trial and that good things would come out of it but quite frankly, at that particular moment, I'm extremely glad the filter over my mouth was working (it doesn't always) because it stopped me from spitting out what was currently racing through my mind which would not have been edifying to anyone. 

Later, as I reflected on my Pastor's question, I thought about the many times in which I've learned lessons through trial and hardships and how those lessons have tended to stick better than what I've learned in other ways.  

For instance, I'm an extremely self-reliant independent person.  I tend to do things myself rather than ask for help.  I tell myself it's easier that way, I know how to do it, yada, yada....but ultimately it comes down to being too proud to ask for help. I've not considered myself a prideful person as in haughty, self-important or superior but pride is also what being overly independent boils down to.   I've had to adjust that thinking in a hurry; partially out of necessity and somewhat out of desperation and frustration.  

DH has taken over all household chores.  Not sure where you've lived but that's just not how I was brought up.  Not that it's wrong to share those chores but for him to be doing it all just hasn't felt right.  He's cooked some but fortunately we have been overwhelmingly blessed by an outpouring of meals from family and friends which means yet another swallow of my pride-full self.  In the past, I've been the one taking meals to others and now I am the one in need.   DH also has to help me get in and out of the shower.  That's a humbling experience if there ever was one. :(    

Yesterday a couple of "quilty" friends came and cut out fabric for two quilts for me so in a couple of weeks when I can get up for a few minutes at a time, I can sit at my sewing machine and sew and not have to stand for a couple of hours to cut first.  That was an extremely tough one to accept since it's not a necessity.  But these two ladies knew how much it would mean to me to have that done.   

And then they vacuumed for me afterwards too yet! Yikes, someone else was cleaning my house!  That's another tough one.

When all is said and done and I am back on my feet, my prayer is that none of this hurt was wasted and that I'll continually remember what I've learned and how I've grown realizing the love of my Savior and who He has placed in our paths as our family and friends and truly "get it" and understand the blessings they are to our lives as well as paving the way to a less self-reliant Lori in the future. 

1 comment:

  1. Lori I can so relate to this post and to your observations. I too am independent and according to my husband just plain stubborn. :) I don't want to ask for help and worse than that I don't really want to accept it. In January I had a horrible case of sciatica and was in the bed for three weeks and then the recliner for three weeks. Humbling would be a good description. Pride is insidious - we don't even realize how we come across to others when we let pride be our guide. Someone once told me that it's easy to accept help....just say "thank you so much" and then shut up. :) blessings, marlene